'Til...

6 days 'til my next GRW chapter and board meeting--you know, that fun little president's job that's not suppposed to take up days at a time emailing and phoning people, but somehow it always does, especially the week before...got team!!!

16 days 'til my next workshop--a hands-on, interactive hour or so with other writers, teaching about rewriting (handy, since I'm digging into the draft of my Mother's Day novella this week)

17 days 'til the Mother's Day novella is due to my agent

1 month 'til my next conference--RWA Nationals in Dallas where I'm attending the RWA chapter president's retreat, the literacy booksigning, the Booksellers Best reception (because The Runaway Daughter finalled!!!), the librarian's luncheon and bookseller's tea, am giving two workshops, attending the RITA ceremonies to support my bestest writing buddy, Tanya Michaels, who's a finalist, and let's not forget networking with other authors, agents and editors. Good thing I have a week to fit it all in!!!

1 month and 7 days 'til the event after that--Giving a 3-hour interactive workshop at the University of Georgia's Hariette Austin writer's confernce in Athens. My first cross-genre speaking event.

2 months 'til my second Atlanta's Heroes book is due to my agent (Remember Me, is its current title, because the plot's based around an amnesia hook, but who knows what they'll end up calling it before I'm done)--and I currently only have written only the chapter and the synopsis I sold it on.

And that only gets me through early August, at which point my son goes back to school and between now and then I'll also be rewriting and quite possibly doing first-round edits for the novella. Then we move on to two more conferences, an additional speaking engagement, oodles of GRW responsibilities, the launch of Because of a Boy (Atlanta Heroes, Book 1), on shelves in October, and of course the third Atlanta's Heroes manuscript is due the second week in November.

So, believe me when I say that I get the whole feeling like you're behind before you start and just spinning your wheels thing. I live daily with the acceptance that something on my list won't get done the way I want it to...it's just a wait and see proposition to determine what that neglected possibility will turn out to be.

But...and with me, you know there's always a but...I'm determined to see the 'tils as just the anxiety I need to keep me going and working toward my dreams. Anxiety can be different than fear, if we choose to see it that way.

Fear to me feels more like I can't. Or I've already failed, because I'm so sure time's going to run out. Anxiety is about how much I really want what I'm working so hard for... It's the part of the dream that no one talks about--the part where hope intertwines with your reality and you realize how much is at stake and how much you're really willing to give up to have the prize.

Within a dream (and dreams should always be what drives us, not fear of failure) there is no real time--not if we refuse to giveu p. What's real is us setting ourselves into motion, making those possibilities happen, and then channeling that dependable thing, anxiety, to keep us moving forward no matter how daunting the road ahead appears. At least that's the formula I'm subscribing to as I race, screaming, into the next few months.

Embrace your 'tils. Don't dread them. You'll get there. The ride might not be what you expected it to be, but who cares! The point is, you'll get there, and from there, you'll strike out again for the next dream that's even one more horizon down the road. Life is never-ending that way, at least the kind of life I want.

So, I'm embracing the anxiety that fuels me today, and I'm racing onward to the next 'til.

Join me, won't you?